My Heart Can't Take It

I would generally consider myself a very happy person. I love my life and I'm unbelievably grateful to have it..... I'm sure I've said that about a billion times on the blog by now. I sometimes get sad for no reason though. Yesterday was one of those days, I was so very sad for no reason. 

I messaged CB on chat and told him how sad I felt, and that I couldn't shake it. He responded by reminding me that we've got 4 days coming up filled with family and of course each other, and how could I be sad with all of that fun coming my way? I unfortunately didn't have an answer. I don't know. I do not know why I get as sad as I do sometimes. It's honestly quite frustrating, I'm happy overall..... yet sad.

Except, there was a reason this time. It was a subliminal reason that I didn't pick up on until around 4pm that day when someone shared a photography project on "How Dogs Get Older" and it clicked what I was sad about. All day long, without even realizing, my eyeballs had been saturated with stories of dogs, each one making me sadder and sadder.

For some reason, everyone and their brother was sharing dog stories on Facebook yesterday; happy dogs, old dogs, rescued dogs, cartoon dogs, dogs that need saving, dogs that didn't make it. I bet I'd been shown 50 different articles about dogs on Facebook in the span of 8 hours.  

Stories of dogs rarely leave me feeling happy. I can laugh at the articles that show images of pups that don't comprehend personal space, but I can't handle much else. I'm just not able to read about dogs without crying, even the unbelievably happy rescue stories make me feel horribly sad. 

Why is that?

Take that article on "How Dogs Get Older" for example, I saw the first picture and I burst into tears. All I could think about was losing Gee and Veenie and how heartbroken I'd be, and I cried heavily and had to remove myself from my cubicle to dry my eyes.

Then I just cried heavily again typing that out, thinking about it all over again. They are my whole world, and I of course know they will go one day, but nothing makes me sadder than thinking about that day. That whole article was supposed to be a happy article, but all it made me do was cry. 

I genuinely dislike crying, and no matter what story I read about a dog, I cry. In turn, I seem to be left saddened for the rest of the day. It's really awful, because I want to read stories of dogs that have been rescued and are surrounded by nothing but the most incredible love they've ever felt, but I can't. I fear the feeling I know I will get, that feeling of being engulfed in sadness.

Tears of joy are confusing to me, to my body. Growing up, like most kids, being unbelievably happy about something didn't make me cry it only made me smile and giggle. As a kid, aside from tears caused by physical pain, I would cry because something made me sad or upset.

Now that I'm older, my mind can't seem to understand that tears brought on by pure joy shouldn't leave you feeling sad.

I read something that makes me feel overjoyed...
I cry...
Then my mind thinks, "Oh, she's crying, something terrible must be going on. She must be sad"
Then I'm left sad.

I don't have a point to this post, and I certainly don't have a solution yet, but I did feel the need to write about it. If knowing you have a problem is half the battle, then I just identified my problem.

Does anyone else get like this over puppy videos?????