Fantasy Football Letters

Dear "Welcome to the Jungle" Fantasy League,  

If it wasn't for CB who fought for me to be in your all-dude fantasy league, we never would have met this season. He started the good fight to get me in your league immediately after last season ended, and never once gave up. Many of your members DID NOT want me in your league, and I get that.

I am a girl after all, what do I know about football? Cooking? Sure, duh, yes. Cleaning? Oh, most definitely. Don't forget mopping! Mopping, that's my wheelhouse. Football though? What girl knows football?

I'm sure you were certain I'd never update my roster, would draft players only if they were smiling in their team picture and I'd constantly leave players in who were on bye week and still some how win, which would without a doubt infuriate everyone. I've held my own though, and although i'm not in first place, my team still has the power to go HAM week-to-week.

So thank you for letting me in, I really appreciate it.
Here's to what hopes to be a very, very long season together.
Sarah.

Dear Jamaal Charles,  

When I drafted you in two of my three leagues, I was so excited. I wasn't excited simply for the fact that you're arguably the best running back in the business currently, but because I got you with the 7th pick. I couldn't believe my eyes when draft picks 1-6 went for other people, then there you sat, eagerly ready to join my squad, "Big Gores Don't Cry" at number 7. It was a true delight. 

Those first few weeks, you were the bright spot in my dreary Sunday. I could count on you to be good for close to 100 yards and a couple of TDs every time. Plus, the fact that your team didn't realize that WR's were allowed to catch touchdowns also helped. You were the yin to my yang. You were the B to my F. The PB to my J. The Slater to my Zack. I LOVED YOU MAN.

Then you go and tear your ACL. Why. Why would you go and do a thing like that? We were just getting started, and you've left me fighting over absolute crap RB's on the waiver wire. I picked up a third string RB from freaking WASHINGTON. You were replaced by Chris Thompson, ranked 3rd on a terrible team's depth chart.

This could be us but you not playin. 

I do hope you get well soon. 

Sarah.

Dear Draft Kings, 

I'm glad we met for the very first time this season. I'll admit, at first you were very intimidating to me, and I didn't want to mess with getting sucked into yet another football related addiction. Alas, CB joined you so I joined you. CB says jump and apparently I say, "how high?" I like the kid, what can I say?

I joined, I got my mom to join, I even got some of my blog friends to join. The first week I won $40! A couple weeks later, another $45! Shoot, some people might see that as not a lot of money but I felt like a high roller when the Chipotle lady asked if I was ok with guac being extra, and I cut her off mid-sentence with an emphatic, YES!

I'll admit, I got a little ridiculous when I entered your golf tournament last week. Ok, ok, that was really silly seeing as I'd never heard of the tournament in my life, it was only $3 though. I ended up wining $5, so jokes on you, bro!

Either way, I'm glad we met. Cheers to me winning that milli this week. 
(Can you imagine all that guac?!?)
Sarah.




I started to write a letter to my boy, Peyton, but it was unfortunately intercepted :(

Still love you Peyton, keep your head up. I know your record is a terrible 6-0, but I'm sure there's still hope for your season. #GBO.


In non-football related news....  Come follow me on snapchat! We're having friends over tonight for a good old fashioned house party complete with beer pong. Fact: I'm the world's greatest beer pong player, even better than Malia Obama if you can believe that!