The Wave

Last night, CB and I went to the Texas Rangers game. We bet on a lot of different sporting events, including the PGA Championship that took place last weekend. Prior to the start of the tournament, we each picked two golfers. We clearly defined the bet, if one of our golfers won the tournament, the other person had to buy Rangers' tickets. CB picked his boy Jordan Speith and Justin Rose, I picked Jason Day and Rory McIlroy.
In case you didn't lay on a couch for a solid 8-12 hours watching golf coverage on Sunday, like we did, Jason Day won the PGA Championship and I gladly accepted my tickets to last night's Rangers game. 
For a few different reasons, I was pumped to be at the game. First, it was only my third game of the season. Second, since CB and I cannot agree on a single television program, we watch the Rangers every night. I feel like I know this Rangers team ALMOST as well as I knew the World Champion 1995 Atlanta Braves. Third? Well third is obviously cold beer. 

Here we sit, bottom of the 5th, Rangers down 3 to 1. Every game for the Rangers is do or die from here on out, seeing as we are very much in the wildcard playoff race. Out of no where, this guy comes racing down the stairs screaming how we need to be ready to start THE WAVE. 
I hate the wave. 
On a scale of 1 to gridlock traffic, the wave is at about a 14 for me. 
Now before you think I'm the crabbiest person to ever go to a sporting event with, hear me out. I'm all for the jumbotron encouraging the crowd to make noise, I love the kiss cam, I'll sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame with the best of them... heck, I'll play along with the "which of the 3 helmets is the ball under?" game. 
The wave though? The wave is vile. A successful "wave" essentially pulls THE ENTIRE crowd's attention from the game. If I paid good money to watch this game, I want to watch it. I do not want to stand up, throw my hands in the air, then follow the stadium around in circles like some shiny red sing along ball. 
THE WORST PART.... I CAN'T NOT WATCH IT. Which angers me even further. 
Not to mention, every fan knows you ONLY do the wave when your team is WINNING. 
Here we sit, down by 2 in the bottom of the 5th, with this dude screaming in my ear that I "HAVE TO STAND UP AND DO THE WAVE" because he was promised free mother EFFING cheese fries if he can get it to go all the way around the stadium. 
This went on for multiple innings. My anger was palpable. 
We lost last night. We lost because of the mother loving WAVE. 
As far as I'm concerned, that guy can shove his cheese fries up his............. (since this is a family friendly program) ......... he can shove it up his bum. 
This post has been brought to you by the WAATV Women Adamantly Against The Wave