The House Hunters Episode That Never Was

During our house hunt --- wait --- before I start on that, I want to talk about one of my life goals. Ever since college, when I'd fall asleep to episodes of House Hunters, I dreamt of the day I could apply for the show. I told everyone I'd be on that show if it killed me. 

I'd constantly walk around in my apartment and practice the required phrases you have to say when you're a guest on the show. You know, since it is fake and all. 
*while standing in my apartment non walk-in closet* "Ok but honey, where will your clothes go?"  "So this closet *might* fit all of my shoes"  Then my husband would joke to the real estate agent, "It's true, she sure has a lot of shoes! Ha. Ha. Ha." 
*while standing in my apartment bathroom* "Oh I'm so disappointed there's not a clawfoot tub I really wanted a clawfoot tub." :( "Yikes, no double sinks? I don't know how we can live with just ONE SINK, honey." 
*while standing in my apartment kitchen* "Sigh, the countertops aren't granite. That'll be a big project. I really wanted something move-in ready." "Is this enough space for all of our entertaining? We do a lot of entertaining and we really need enough space for entertaining while we entertain." 
*while standing everywhere* "Capret. Meh." "There just isn't enough charm. I really wanted more charm."

My life goal of publicly finding a dream house with my significant other on House Hunters flashed before my eyes the first time CB told me he didn't want his picture or name on my blog. My first thought was not, "aw man I can't share our pics on the blog", it was "There goes house hunters." It's amazing I stayed with him after this gut wrenching news was delivered. True testament of my feelings for him, if you ask me. 
I gave up House Hunters for you, now scratch my back for at least 8 minutes. 
Ok now that I've spent this whole post ranting about House Hunters, I'm pretty much out of time for keeping everyone's attention. I'm going to wrap the rest of this post up quickly, you're welcome. The point of my post was to talk about the crazy stuff we saw when browsing Trulia and Realtor.com. 
Many, and I do mean MANY, of the pictures people posted in an effort to sell their house boggled my mind. We saw it all. Everything from no pictures, to blurry pictures that looked like they were doing the elliptical while simultaneously photographing their home, to keeping every single window shut to the point where each room was just a black mass, it was terrible! 
But then there were these gems that take the cake (the cake that could potentially be sitting on non-granite countertops, GASP! The Horror!!)...

How about a framed picture of Lucille Ball prominently displayed in the kitchen? 

A solution for our microwave problem, perhaps? They must love Lean Cuisines as much as I do. 

Now that's a tiger portrait done tastefully...  

Glamping. 

Saved this one because, GO VOLS! CB insisted that we couldn't get this house just because they were Tennessee fans. Agree to disagree on home purchase motivation. 

*Insert TV here*

Wow. Bravo. Did Annie Leibovitz take these??  I'd like to make a full list offer, sight unseen.  All the Instagram likes. 

 Hey, friend! We can see you! Bless your heart at least you tried.