So last year I did
this post, and I'm doing it again this year. Why, you ask? Well, because this is the most god awful holiday ever created in this history of man-kind. I do not plan on talking to anyone today and I warned CB of the wrath that would follow if he tried to play a prank on me.
1. People that don't know how to use the "reply-all" email feature. Why is this concept so difficult for people to grasp? Are you needing to continue the conversation so that everyone in the group can stay abreast on the latest developments? Yes? Well you won't believe this, but they make this little button called "reply all" that allows you to email back everyone in the group! #mindblown
2. People that don't make even eye contact with everyone in the group. Do you not like me? Surely you know you haven't made eye contact with me, not even once, in this 30 minute long story you're telling the group...
3. The other team
4. When a group of 5 agrees that one large pizza will be sufficient
5. Top Gear--- Sorry CB, I just don't get it.
6. When everyone at the table is on their phone, including myself, and I'm the first one to notice, but I don't want to put the phone away because I don't want to be the loser without anyone to talk to.
7. Thinking you're being offered a new blog campaign, then finding out it is for yet another tampon/pad/leakage prevention company ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
8. The amount of time I spend thinking about Instagram.
9. Small talk with the Uber driver, "So how long have you been doing uber?"
10. Homeless people with dogs. Hate. As in HAAAATE. Makes my blood boil.
11. Random apps that play sound when I have the sound turned off. Tried to play pacman in my cubicle yesterday. You know, that thing they did in google maps? Well, sound is off on phone, yet pacman theme song blares throughout office for no apparent reason.
12. Fashion bloggers who know that we all just want ONE specific thing that is pictured in their like to know.it instagram photo, but then don't include that one thing in the email....
13. Actually.... Like to know.it
14. People, not named Sarah Webb, who look adorable in converse + skirts. Whyyyyyyy can't I pull this look off?
15. These people:
Them: "How are you doing?"
Me: "Good. How are you?"
Them: "I'm doing well"
16. When you bring your clothes to the fitting room attendant at TJ Maxx and exclaim: "I have 5!"
They grab the items from you, take the time to count them one by one as if you're a liar, then hand them back and ask you.... "5?"
"Yes. 5."
17. Folding Laundry.... psssht I'll often just re-dry it a hundred times.
18. The first 5 minutes of the movie Up ... WHY ELLIE WHYYYYY
19. Sale signs that put the words, "up to" in teeny tiny letters above a 75% off sign
20. The sale section at Forever 21, I've quite literally never found anything in that section, ever.
21. When Veenie does this at the dog park... and I didn't bring a towel
22. Driving
23. When new cast members on Real Housewives act like they don't know what they're getting into. Or act like they've never seen the show and aren't aware of any previous feuds or drama. You've seen the showwwwww, you aren't fooling us Lisa Rinna.
24. People who drive close enough to me on the highway to set my sensors off, really brah?
25. A call center person, who connects me to another call center person, without explaining the reason for my call, after they let me explain the reason for my call to them, in detail.
"Hi my name is David, what can I help you with today?"
"You really going to make me do this allllllllll over again??"
*Sigh*
26. The cost of cable. Like really?? It's 2015 with Netflix and apple TV's... how are we all still suckers and paying for this? TOMORROW WE REVOLT.
27. People who don't know how to efficiently go through the security line at the airport.
Ohhhh I have to take my belt off?
Ohhh I have to take my shoes off?
Ohhhhh I have to empty my pockets?
*Sigh*
28. When a man doesn't get the door for a woman... call me old fashioned
29. People who stand around in the bathroom, but aren't in line.
Me: "Are you in line?"
Them: "Oh, no I'm not in line..."
THEN WHY ARE YOU STANDING IN LIIIIIIINE??
30. Getting stopped for a train at 5:01pm on Friday
31. Well, from 4pm-5pm on Friday
32. When I'm at Subway:
Me: "6 inch, oven roasted chicken, on wheat."
They reply: "On wheat"
*grabs the bread*
Them: "6 inch or footlong?"
Me: "6 inch"
Them: "Ok what kind of meat?"
SIGH.
The. Worst. Holiday. Ever.
peace out.
SO funny! Thank you for helping me finally put a name to my illness---Pizzafinitophobia. The struggle is REAL!
ReplyDeleteAgreed, I don't participate in April fool's day. Never have, never will. I pretty much agree with you on this list. Except I like Top Gear, so I'm with CB. And when I was in Italy, a lot of homeless people had dogs. Eventually I asked someone local about it, and they said that a lot of homeless people have nothing, no one except that dog and they take care of it before they take care of themselves. So that made me feel a little better. (: Also the thought of not having enough pizza is freaking me out...
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite problem. At work people reply all when they don't need to. Also I totally agree this is the worst holiday ever.
ReplyDeleteSarah! This is great. Not a fan of this day either -- pranks are mean! Also, I feel you on the TJ Maxx fitting room scenario! I go in there with 1 or 2 items and still, they look at me like I'm lying and take them from me to count. Why?!?
ReplyDeleteLet's add, "when your office network is down for not long enough for you to go home but long enough that you can't get any work done."
ReplyDeleteit's honestly the worst. couldn't agree more. it sucks. My dad tried to order one large pizza the other day and I thought he was going crazy. NO.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that one large pizza is considered for two in our book, more than two people better order two extra larges...I guess when I feel like I have to fight for pizza...I'm hungry for even MORE pizza.
ReplyDeleteThis is an impressive and incredible list. I seriously could not agree more with explaining the reason for your call to two different people. Don't make me do it, folks. Just don't. I already hate talking on the phone enough. And seriously, Subway people? Get it together! You don't hear Chipotle workers asking for repeats when I say I want a chicken burrito with pinto beans.
ReplyDeleteOhmigosh I am cracking up! These are freaking hilarious! And yes, Likeit SUCKS! Sometimes I just want to like an IG photo without getting emails and don't notice until I've already liked -noooooooo- I have never found the appeal of April Fools..... Thankfully neither the hubby or I are into it.
ReplyDeleteCanon T5i | Nikon D5200 Giveaway
Aspen Kelty Marie
so, so adore this and totally agree, WORST HOLIDAY EVER....
ReplyDeleteThis post is spot on on so many levels. Love it!
ReplyDeleteBasically yes to all of these things.
ReplyDeleteI do NOT participate in April Fools and I told my employees that if they tried to prank me, they will be fired. No questions.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh I'm one of those people who answers "well" when asked "how are you?" "Good" isn't technically grammatically correct and "well" is, so a few years ago I started making an effort to say "well" instead of "good" and now it's second nature. I will admit though, I totally started doing it because I thought it made me sound smarter and like *better*
ReplyDeleteI am ashamed.
As for Subway, they totally do that! Now when I go, I just lead with the bread and let them ask me their questions so I don't have to repeat myself.
Ugh, I am not a fan of April Fool's Day either. Mostly because I'm easily fooled, so it's a sucky day for me. I'm totally with you on the Subway comment, but for me it's like that at Chipotle. "I'll have a chicken burrito bowl to go, please." "Great, for here or to go? What kind of meat do you want?" WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING???
ReplyDeletelike to know.it drives me nuts too!! I hate it when someone asks them "where'd you get that scarf?" and the blogger says "oh click on the link" I assume because it's affiliate. WELLLLL links aren't clickable, so either I'm supposed to memorize it, or stop everything I'm doing to get on a desktop. /endrant
ReplyDeleteThe Bert meme...yep, I have that look at least once a day :)
ReplyDeleteYes to not linking the ONE item I want! I don't want 15 similar items, I want the one in your dang picture. Seriously why is that so hard for some of them to do
ReplyDeleteI think I said "AMEN!" in my head to 97.2% of these! Preach girl, preach!
ReplyDeleteSeriously can we be finished with liketkit yet? And honestly everyone at the airport bothers me, but that's probably because I've worked in aviation too long. Like, how do you not know which city you're flying to? And for some reason the fact that it's 4/1 makes those annoyances even worse!
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, yes!!! Except to Top Gear... I lovvvveeeee that show, because I am weird.
ReplyDeleteI'm seriously impressed that you came up with 32. The pizza though, like who does that? I can eat a large pizza by myself please and thank you. Also like to know it. I pretend that doesn't exist. Worst blogging invention ever.
ReplyDeleteAMEN to all of these. And April Fools Day sucks. It seems to get more mean spirited every year.
ReplyDeleteI also HATE the advertisements on Hulu! Why? Just charge me more and take them out. Seriously!
ReplyDeleteHomeless people with dogs. I hate it.
ReplyDeleteThese are so funny, and many true for me as well. Although working in a fitting room half the time with my job I will say that number 16 is usually a company policy to try and avoid theft. You wouldn't believe the things people take into the fitting room to steal. Plus, keeps up more accountable. But it is annoying, so I understand the pain!
ReplyDeleteApril fool is not my favorite too and we don't have April fool's holiday here in my country so there's no chance for me liking it ANYWAY!
ReplyDeleteA post that had me go oh yeah, what the hell, and bloody oath
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, and yes. Especially with the feminine product blog pitches - really? I said no the first three times. I have not changed my mind. And because of a really rude boyfriend I might be that person in #15, I'm doing well.
ReplyDelete