Life Lessons Learned From Being A Terrible Cook

Cooking is hard.
Side note: this is not the point of this post, but do you ever wonder if you should have been the world's best at something you've never even tried? For example, you should have been an olympic curling champion (or what I like to call extreme mopping) but you never knew your calling was to slide a stone on some ice? Crazy, right? What if MJ had never picked up a basketball? 
Since I was first on my own as a college Freshman, I've lived off foods that came canned or in a frozen box, and can be fully prepared in a microwave. I've been under the impression that cereal is absolutely a sufficient meal option, and, well, peanut butter and jelly is my jam (hah).  But now that there is a boy in my life that doesn't see eye to eye with me on the topic that Lean Cuisines are a major food group, I've been trying to adapt. 
I go to his place, he handles dinner. He comes to mine, I handle dinner. Fair enough, right? 
Well, a couple of nights ago, I tried to make a lightened up breakfast pizza. The recipe called for a specific cheese. When I got to the grocery store, I found the cheese in the gourmet section where the man has to slice it for you. Then I saw the $18/pound price tag. I laughed out loud and picked up the $2.34 cheese located next to the greek yogurt instead. 
The recipe also called for something called Pancetta. I couldn't find that anywhere, so I googled "similar to pancetta" and bacon popped up on my screen. So I grabbed bacon.  I have to google everything when I'm cooking. When something says saucepan, I google it to see if that is the shallow pan or the deep pan or god forbid a pan I don't have. I have ditched a considerable amount of recipes that call for supplies I don't have. A mortar and pestle??! The heck is this? 432 B.C.? Next recipe please, it is 2014 and we have people on the moon and junk. 
Oh, here is the recipe I'm working at, in case you were curious... 
So it says to crack eggs in all four corners of the pizza, then wrap the Pancetta (also known as bacon) around the eggs. I crack all four eggs and they start running all over the pizza, the pizza pan, my hands, the counter top, everywhere. I reach for the bacon as fast as I can and CB was like WAIT you can't put uncooked bacon on there you gotta cook it first.  
So as I have uncooked bacon in my hand, eggs running everywhere and a perfectly beautiful Pinterest picture to compare everything to... I naturally start crying and try and throw the whole thing away and run to my room depressed.... throwing myself on the bed face first and slamming the door behind me as hard as I can while yelling downstairs, "You never let me do anything fun, MOM!! EVERRRRR!!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!"
JK. I only teared up and tried to throw it away.  
Thankfully the wonderful boyfriend that I have calmly just cooked the bacon for me while I pouted, and placed it, slice by slice, on the egg splattered pizza for me.

And then we cooked it. And it was good. And I had it for lunch the next day too. 

It was really ugly. The egg was all over the place. The bacon got cooked. And the $2 cheese was fine.
I went to the grocery store yesterday and got all worked up again, gave up and left empty handed (well I did get some wine because I had already made the trip to Kroger and all...) because I couldn't figure out which steak option they had at Kroger was the rump steak. Is that like the strip steak? Is that the tenderloin steak? Is that a sirloin? Or would it just say RUMP STEAK on it?! I just have no idea what I'm doing. 
But in hindsight (or RUMPsight, if you will) I should have just stayed calm and picked one of the 58 steak options they had... 
..... because bacon and $2 cheese will turn out just fine.