Does All of You, Love All Of You?
::: Blue and White Dress ::: c/o She Inside and on sale!!!
I get so self-conscious over everything. I got self-conscious over having to take these pictures in public with my tripod (hence why that first attempt at a picture was in the safety blanket of my very private, very locked apartment), I got self-conscious when I uploaded these pictures to my computer and saw them for the first time, I got self-conscious when I edited them, I got self-conscious when I uploaded them to blogger...
What are they going to think about me...What is she going to think about me...What is he going to think about me...What are they going to think about me...What is she going to think about me...What is he going to think about me...What are they going to think about me... Those three phrases usually run through my mind about 4 trillion times per day.
Here is the thing... I do love myself. I love who I am. I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of what I've accomplished and what I know I'm going to accomplish.
Yes I have a tendency to make things weird and super awkward in uncomfortable situations. I get overly excited and put all my eggs in one basket before it has hatched (or whatever that expression is). I am a non-stop worry-wart, constantly overthinking every situation. I'm a horrible cry baby. I'm fully confident that I can bring a smile to anyone's face by making them laugh. I tend to be absurdly cocky when I know I'm right. Self-absorbed would be putting it nicely at times. I'm overly emotional, I cry at every military advertisement and puppy abuse commercial on television. But with all of those traits said, I wouldn't want to trade my personality, flaws included, with anyone's on this planet.
That "what are they going to think of me" worry has 100% to do with looks, and zero percent to do with who I am inside. Are they going to think I'm fat. Are they going to think I'm ugly. Are they going to think the way I styled this outfit is unfortunate? Are they going to think I'm a Georgia Bulldog fan?
So, my first question here is.... can you say you love yourself, but still be self-conscious? Does that actually mean that you don't love yourself, because you don't love all of you? (this is where I really need John Legend's help)
I've heard people say, "No one can love you if you don't love yourself." I'm not sure how I feel about that statement.
So my second question here is... Why can't someone loving you, someone who can see the things your negative, self-conscious mind won't allow you to see, be a wonderful and very real thing that most certainly can happen? Particularly in those times when you just don't love all of you?
Simply hearing, "Don't you know how beautiful you are?" can change the way you feel about yourself in a split second. Your confidence level can go from Rosie O'donnell to Beyonce real quick (real quick).
For example, say you put on a body-con dress that looks horrible (to you) in the bathroom mirror. You immediately walk to the closet to take it off.... but then your man catches a glance through a cracked open closet door and does a "damn" double take at you in that same dress you just thought looked horrific on....
Are you going to change out of that dress? Nope, your whole attitude just went from zero to Beyonce, real quick, real quick.
I don't have much of a final summary point here, other than that I do think someone can love you, even if you don't love all of you. Someone can love you so much, and find you so damn beautiful, that you might even start to believe their crazy ass one day!
-----
Before I sign off for the day, I've got this pretty girl below, Rachael from The Rachael Way, who agreed to do a Q&A with me! Make sure you go say hey girl hayyyyy on twitter and insta too!
Tell us about your blog - When did you start blogging and why? What do you love to blog about? My blog is called The Rachael Way and is your basic lifestyle blog; nothing is off limits in my little space of the interwebs! I write about my expat life in China, self improvement, dating, friendship, and life in general.
What are your favorite and least favorite parts about running a blog Favorite parts: actually writing, getting my voice out there, making friends (seriously, the blogging community is AWESOME!) Least favorite parts: the technical stuff, the drama (you know it happens sometimes), and the fear that maybe I will say something that offends someone. The good outweighs the bad though, that's for sure.
You just moved to China!! What are you doing there? I am teaching seventh grade English and Geography at an International School-- meaning I teach in English, but my students are bilingual. I have to say, my job is my favorite part of my new life in China.
How is the transition going - what do you love and what are you struggling with? Overall, I'm doing really well. There are some things I miss (LIKE THE FOOD!), but overall I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job and it helps to have a lot of coworkers who are going through the same transition as you. There has been a fair share of weird things I've experienced living here, though...
What's one thing readers should know before visiting your blog? I always keep it real. Whether is talking about depression, dating disasters, or struggles, you'll never find me acting like my life is perfect. Just not my style!
Which form of social media do you use the most? The easiest and best way to keep in touch during my China adventures is instagram! All other social networks are blocked (seriously...) So instagram is the best!
What gif best sums up you/your blog?
Direct us to a favorite post or two you've written.
My post Enough is still one of my favorites that I think all women (and especially bloggers!) deal with-- comparison. No matter who you are, you ARE enough! I also just graduated college this past may, so my post about things I learned in college is one of my favorites, too :)
::::Hey Girl Hayyyy:::: Blog /// Twitter /// Insta /// Pinterest /// Facebook
I am pretty self-conscious and tend to think I look horrible in tight dresses -- my thighs and butt are the biggest part of my body and they look disproportional from my twig calves. But when I try on tight dresses, my boyfriend always thinks I look amazing. And it is weird -- how can I be so harsh and think I'm ugly, but then someone else think I look sexy? It just shows how hard we can be on ourselves.
ReplyDeletei love this post for so many reasons. i think we all struggle with self loathing and it's funny because we always talk about how awful we look in the pictures we take. then i come and see them and I truly think you look beautiful. i think we are our own toughest critic. we just have to remind ourselves to be happy and thankful with what we have, even if it feels wrong. Sorry this comment is so long!
ReplyDeleteFirst, as I scrolled through the photos, honest to God above, my thoughts were, "Look at her rocking that dress!" and "I love that outfit, I think I have pieces that I can put together for a similar look!" and then, "Way to go Sarah for making those boots work! I wish I had that much guts!"
ReplyDeleteSecond, I love this post! It's honest and true. I am confident about so many things but crumble when I think about what others will think? I ask the questions just like you. I'm so proud of you for writing this! It's a great message!!
I don't think loving yourself + being self conscious are mutually exclusive. I'm willing to bet even Beyonce has days where she thinks "what if I'm not actually Sasha Fierce?" I think it's probably a little healthy, keeps you grounded. I love the way you styled that dress, and there are so many worse things you could be mistaken for than a Georgia fan.... like a Florida fan, for example..
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with what Helene said. We all have moments of self-loathing but I think what's most important is that for everything we dislike, we need to have something we DO like, and then I think it (obviously) balances out. Do I love me? Hell yeah I do.
ReplyDeleteYes! You're absolutely right. I definitely don't love all of me, but whenever I hear my boyfriend tell me how beautiful I am, I start to believe him, even for the briefest of seconds. So happy to hear you say the same!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Helen! You look SO beautiful in these pictures! I have some weird keloid scars on my back/ shoulders that I've had since I was 12. I've always been SUPER self-conscious of them. Pretty much my whole like I avoided every wearing anything sleeveless and was mortified of being in public in a bathing suit because of the scars. Just recently I've started letting it go and caring less about it. If I want to wear a tank top outside while I run because it's 90 degrees in Tennessee, I should do that!! /rant over. Great post!
ReplyDeleteBoom, nailed it. This post makes me happy because I have a feeling it's coming from personal experience :) but also I get it. I still don't think I'm good enough to be in the relationship I am sometimes and I don't think he thinks he is either some days. I think it's just important to share your love and joy with that person and let then enjoy their Rosie to Beyonce moments. Btw, you look gorgeous, glowing, and skinny in those pictures!
ReplyDeleteIt took until I was in my thirties to love ALL OF ME. And now, I feel pretty dang awesome.
ReplyDeleteThat dress on you.....freakin adorable!!!! But I think that you can still acknowledge your flaws and still fully love yourself...that's what helps you love yourself in my opinion. Knowing your own flaws and being ok with them. I do always say that if you don't love yourself, then it's near impossible for someone else too. :)
ReplyDeleteThat dress looks amazing. I totally agree with out Helen said. We all have to learn not to be so hard on our self.
ReplyDeleteI think that's a pretty silly expression too. What I do believe is that if you're not taking care of yourself and your mental well-being, you're probably not ready for a relationship. I have friends and friends-of-friends who are manic depressive or have another type of mental struggle, but instead of facing it head on and going to therapy, learning how to manage it, etc., they just hide themselves in unhealthy relationship after unhealthy relationship. It makes it miserable for them because they're not actually taking care of themselves and it makes it miserable for their partners because they're dating someone who doesn't have the tools to manage their "crazy." It's a pretty tragic cycle.Do you have to love yourself? No, sometimes having someone show you how great you are is exactly what you need TO love yourself. Should you be proactive in taking care of yourself before you invest in a romantic partner? Probably.
ReplyDeleteCat
http://oddlylovely.com
I really wish we could all see ourselves the way others do, because 90% (I may have made that stat up but just go with it) of the time, we think so poorly of ourselves and we are the only one who sees it. We all have flaws, but for some reason we as women only see our own and never seem to be fully content with our body image even though we're beautiful in other people's eyes! You look great in those pictures by the way! And I like your outfit choice!
ReplyDeleteFeeling awkward with the camera and tripod is natural, I worry less about what you all will think than what the people watching me do it must think. Look at that crazy ass girl taking pictures of herself, she's so vain she isn't even that cute or whatever.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who loves you in spite of or because of what you perceive as flaws is one of the most amazing things in the world!
Absolutely love this! I agree, I don't think you have to be perfectly content with yourself for someone to love you or to be in a relationship. If that were the case, none of us should be in a relationship! It absolutely makes a HUGE difference in my confidence when my husband tells me how beautiful I am, or tells me he loves all my curves, even if I look at them and all I see is flaws.
ReplyDeleteOh and you look darling in that dress! That color is gorgeous on you!
ReplyDeleteSo brave of you to right this. I think I would be way too self-conscious to ever put up a tripod and take pictures by myself!
ReplyDeleteI believe that if you have ZERO concept of who you are and why any of that would be redeemable or lovable then you're going to be hard pressed to find someone who can truly love you because chances are you don't know yourself very well. But I definitely believe that you can still be self conscious and have days where you really don't like you very much and having someone who loves you for even those parts can definitely pull you out of the funk and get your head back on straight, taking you from zip to beyonce real quick, real quick indeed :)
ReplyDeleteYES. I HAVE SO MUCH YES TO SAY.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Why *do* you have to love yourself fully before someone else can love you? We're all humans here, right? Because that is just not going to happen. If the man I have a crush on/am dating/am married tells me I'm beautiful on the day that I'm feeling real shitty, that's going to make me love myself even more.
We can have our cake and eat it too, in this situation.
Also, that outfit is totes adorbs.
This topic has come up recently. It's sad to admit, that after awhile those compliments from The Boy (any boy or significant other) start to lose their effect, even if they wholeheartedly mean it. It is nice to hear, but that little self-love-doubt will creep in and thoughts of "he's just saying that " or "he has to say that" swirl around in my mind space. No matter how much me assures me they aren't. I do love myself, but there are times my love for myself waivers...those little reminders are helpful, but even at times they don't work. Self love, it should be easier.... xoxo, ganeeban
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly like you. I thought you were talking about me in this blog. I love myself and love all the things about me that make me the person I am. All my experiences, relationships, the good and the bad. But I am insecure and over-think things constantly. I wish I didn't. I think a part of it is normal in this society. I wish I could be stronger. Just another part of me that, while I love my sensativity, I am never done working on being a better person. Keep on rocking it, girl. You look fabulous! :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's normal to feel awkward in front of the camera, at least I do. You look so gorgeous though.
ReplyDeleteThank you for featuring me! You are a DOLL.
xo
i love how you look in the photos
ReplyDeleteI needed to hear all of that today!
ReplyDelete~Elise @ Highheelsglitteringeyes.blogspot.com
When I looked at these photos the first thing I thought was "wow, Sarah looks so confident and happy in these pics!" (the second thing I thought is "I really want that dress") I would have never guessed you were feeling self conscious, because happiness just radiates from you.
ReplyDeleteSo first of all, you look gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteAnd second, I think we all feel that way. I know I do. We've all been told we're ugly or fat at some point and that never truly goes away. I mean, yes, the inner beauty is what matters, but it's the outside that people see first. I am constantly terrified, and asking myself the same questions... It's hard to let go of that and just say "they will think what they'll think."
On the other hand, sometimes on look from a stranger or a little "damn" from your SO is all you need. :)
so when you were describing yourself, it was like you were describing me. I do love myself, I get cocky when I think I'm right, but I have so much self doubt it's ridiculous. I actually think sometimes blogging helps that and other times it hurts it. Who knows. But you look amazing and gorgeous! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't love all of me, but I've gotten better about accepting my flaws as just part of what makes me who I am. And you're right. Having someone who loves you and tells you how wonderful you are can do wonders!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, very interesting to read :) I love your blog and I have followed you with Bloglovin , if you ever get a chance to check out my blog I would be delighted, thanks!
ReplyDeleteCamille xo
www.cococami.blogspot.co.uk
This is a great post! I don't think that you have to love all of you to love yourself. Everyone is going to have a flaw (whether it physical or mental) that isn't endearing, but that isn't a reason to throw the whole dish out. You know? Also, when you are in a relationship it is just about impossible to love every single thing about the other person... especially if they leave the toilet seat up ;D
ReplyDeleteI love this post and I love how you styled that dress!
ReplyDeleteI agree that a compliment really can go a long way and make you feel secure with someone you're with. I think that's a must have, I know for me anyway, words of affirmation {my love language} is the way I give and receive love. Without that, I don't feel loved.
BTW, I got approved for the apt so we'll be neighbors come November :)
Girl, OMG. This has been true for me my WHOLE LIFE. Once, I lost 60 pounds and felt better about myself, but two things with that:
ReplyDelete(1) I still felt I hadn't lost enough and was running 7 miles a day and not eating anything like it was an obsession. I was not happy.
(2) I actually knew it was sad that losing weight made me feel better about my appearance. I mean, I had started out losing weight to be healthy, which is good, but I knew that if I gained the weight, that good feeling would go away.
I became sick last year and sicker this year and have gained so much weight in the last year and a half. And of course those horrible self-image feelings are back.
I love all of the rest of me. I have a good personality. I am goal-oriented and feel like life is going well. I am a loving person. I am a great friend.
But feeling beautiful? That has never been my forte. I am getting less sick due to some cool new medication I am on and I hope it helps my metabolism self-regulate soon. Before that happens, though, before I lose weight... I want to learn to love all of me.
I hope it comes. I know how you feel- you are a beautiful girl, though. Your personality is fantastic and you are really pretty. You definitely shouldn't forget that ever. :)
Pictures make me crazy... I had a little mini heart attack for you when you said you took those with a tripod. I.would.die. Which is silly because you look amazing and I bet everyone who saw you thought you were a famous fashion blogger!
ReplyDeleteFWIW... the first thing I thought when I saw your pictures was "What a cute dress!"
ReplyDelete