The Fixer

Like most girls, life has brought me many types of boys. 
---- holy hell this is a post about boys ---- 
Ok ok people, don't get too excited. It is only Tuesday, after all. 

So, like I was saying.... life has brought me many types of boys. When they dropped the L bomb, I believed it because it was true, they did love me in the manner they knew how; maybe in the way their parents loved one another, or in the way they were loved by those around them.  They loved me in the way they were raised to believe the meaning of the word. 
Any kind of love you're receiving from someone is good as long as you're receiving it, right? Who cares about anything else as long as you're hearing those three little words every girl wishes for? Feeling love must equate to being in love. 
But how many times in the past have I loved someone just because they vocalized their love for me early on? What do I want out of a relationship? What will make me love a man as much as he loves me? *cough* cowboys season tickets *cough*. I am finally stopping to think about that. Hey it only took me 27 years to stop and think about this, not bad, huh? Better 27 than 57! 

Well I now know what I want. I want a fixer. 
I want someone who is going to work with me to fix my problems, our problems. I want someone who is going to fix the toilet when it won't stop running. I want someone who is going to fix the dent I made in the wall when I was trying to DIY something, even though we all know I am physically incapable of DIYing anything. I want someone who is going to fix things around the house for me, but more importantly, someone who will be patient when it was my fault for messing it up in the first place. Becuase, Sarah Webb + Wine. That is all. 

I want someone to fix the tears falling from my face after having a bad day. Not someone who impatiently critiques where I went wrong. Not someone who pinpoints the reason for my failures and barks 12 suggestions I should immediately go do to solve the problem. I'm smart. I work hard. I'll figure out a way to make amends to whatever I've screwed up at work or in my day-to-day. The fixer that I want knows I'm smart. He knows that I am fully capable of actually fixing the day's problems. He believes in me, and has full confidence that I'll solve the problem on my own, but knows his job is to fix my tears in ways that are not so black and white. My fixer makes dinner reservations, because he knows lean cuisines never dry tears from a bad day (especially because most of my Lean Cuisines in the freezer right now all require 3 minute mark stirring, ew), my fixer has the stubhub website readily available  because there is nothing that makes me happier than having plans, any plans. My fixer has flowers in hand because what girl still has tears when her man shows up with Tuesday flowers, my fixer knows exactly what will make things better. For me. 

I want someone who is going to fix my weaknesses. Someone who will fix my insecurities, making those insecurities a source of confidence instead. Oh, and most importantly, my fixer will not only let me, but want me to be his fixer too. 
My past relationships? We will call them my non-fixers, and guess what? They'll be wonderful fixers to some new girl. They'll meet a woman they want to fix things for. They'll meet a woman, and immediately know exactly how to fix every problem she has. Their new girl will want 12 suggestions she can use immediately to solve her day's problems. Their new girl will then love that he wants to stay in with her, and not face the crowds at the local restaurants and bars. And that woman will be so happy and grateful and passionately in love, because she found her fixer. 
And somewhere, very close by, another girl's non-fixer, is actually just waiting, excited to be my fixer. And with that said, *insert giant grinning emoji face* here.