Sarah's Nightlife

Last night I jetted on home. I open the door around 5:30pm and walk in to find out the dogs had an exciting variation of the game 52 pickup while I was gone. So like any good mother would do I yelled, "THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!" and promptly took photographs.

As you can clearly see, they were quite remorseful over what they had done.

Then I get their leashes on them and we head outside. As we are running down the steps in the stairwell, I get pulled from behind and I look back to see General peeing in the stairwell. Something he has never done. Mind you, we are on the 3rd floor and it is 5:45pm in a large apartment complex. 

I tug at General to stop, but all that does is create a zig zag pattern that spews pee through the 3rd floor stairwell, pours down to the 2nd floor and eventually dog pee drip drops in zig zags all the way on to the first floor, right where the door opens to the parking garage. 

When he was finally done with his 49 minute pee session, I ran those stairs faster than anyone ever has, hoping to not only personally dodge pee pouring down on my head from three flights of stairs up, but to also dodge anyone seeing us. Miraculously, we got out of that stairwell before we were spotted. 

So that was fun. 

Moving on... Earlier in the day I had gone to Target on my lunch break to pick up the ingredients to do this DIY Lip Scrub I found on Pinterest. I also like to refer to DIY as an abbreviation for... "this is going to cost way more, and cause more stress than simply buying the item."

So I pulled out all of the Ingredients I Bought at Lunch:

Vaseline 

Granulated Sugar

Chapstick 

Hone---- wait. 

Where is the honey? I know I bought it because I remember looking at the price of honey totally astounded... Isn't there a version that isn't shaped like a bear that will save me a dollar or two? I really don't need a bear shaped honey bottle!? ... as I grabbed the bear shaped bottle and threw it into my cart. 

After searching the same plastic bag 478 times, thinking Mr. Bear would magically appear on the 478th search, I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't there and I'd have to use something else. So I grabbed olive oil instead. That is pretty much the same thing right? 

Oh well that is horribly runny, maybe I should add more sugar?

See Helene!! Look, I'm reading and learning!! #prevention.

So did it work? Well if by work you mean did I taste the combination of olive oil, granulated sugar and vaseline in soup form, getting more on my hand and on my tongue than on my lips, then yes it worked. 

It was some point into the 13th minute of trying to clean up this mess that I realized my phone speakers were crackling mother trucker i must have spilled lip scrub soup on the speakers. I searched for rice because I hear you are supposed to put your phone in rice if you spill. Couldn't find the rice. Thought about using the granulated sugar but concluded that would be way worse. So I put my phone in a box of sea salt, waited about 30 minutes, pulled it out but it was still crackling. I started getting hysterical in my head, thinking about my lack of iPhone upgrade for the next year and 9 months. I then decided to try the totally crazy, this-will-never-work idea of turning the phone off and back on. Speakers then worked just fine #christmasmiracles. 

It was finally dinner time, and I realized I had no food in the apartment (well other than olive oil, sea salt and granulated sugar). I had already taken my bra off so leaving the apartment wasn't an option. 

Go ahead and hit "Pin It" I know you want to recreate this...

So I heated up the only thing in my freezer, slapped some ketchup on there that expired in Dec 2013, and used an ugly, boring, depressing straw in my water.... because some duo destroyed all my new straws.

Oh, and look what I found in the trunk of my car this morning...