Once Upon a Time There Lived a Dallas Blogger

Once upon a time, there lived a very positive, happy-go-lucky, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-sundress kinda girl who moved to Dallas Carrollton, Texas. With her computer and blog in hand, she left, not knowing a soul. 

"Oh, making friends is so easy," the girl told her smurfettes as she peaced out of Knox-land. "They'll just come to my window, ask me to let my hair down and we will head out on the town every night of the week!"

Weeks turned to months, and the girl had yet to have anyone throw stones at her balcony window requesting her presence for a glammed out night on the town. 

"Ok, but where is everyone?" the girl typed into her all-knowing twitter feed. 

Her twitter Fairy Yoda appeared out of thin air and typed in a private direct message to the girl, "Move to Deep Ellum, you must!"

"Deep Ellum? Is that where all of my friends will be?" the girl asked Fairy Yoda..

Twitter Fairy Yoda replied to the girl, "Click Here Click Here Click Here to claim your 12 billion dollars you just won! You only have 47 seconds to claim your prize." 

But the girl was too excited about Deep Ellum to click that poisonous link. Little did she know she had just avoided imminent death of her macbook.  Instead, she closed twitter and redirected her browser to the mirror mirror on the internet.

"Mirror mirror on the internet, what is the fairest Deep Ellum apartment complex of them all?" 

The mirror, better known in this mystical, magical internet land as Google, replied to the girl, "Would you like to perform a more advanced search?" 

"Yes, mirror. Please filter by 1 bedroom, 1 bath apartments with hard wood floors. I have two crazy little shedding Elves who live with me, and sometimes pee themselves" the girl told the mirror. "Oh, and a view would be nice.... because mirror, let's just say that based on my track record, I could be waiting for an eternity. I need something nice to look at while trapped in this 4th floor castle room, waiting for the Dallasites to ask me to let my hair down. "

The mirror led her directly to her new palace, just in time for another year to attach itself to the girl's age, making it far less likely for her to ever be I.D'd at the club again. 

Upset, frustrated and confused why the local Dallasites weren't flocking to her like Jessica Simpson flocks to cheese dip... she decided to take action. 

First, she cut all of her hair off, so she couldn't rely on someone else to ask her to let her hair down anymore. Next, she wrote a blog post, telling her imaginary friends in blog land that she was officially declaring war, and would be delivering a blitzkrieg on the local Dallasites in the near future. The girl was not totally sure she had used the word blitzkrieg right, but she was fairly certain she did according to Lord Wikipedia. 

With her only weapon against the Dallasites in hand, her hashtag #vtimbebrave, the one girl wolfpack is headed into battle this weekend. The girl isn't yet sure where that first hashtag will be fired.... it could be here, or here, or here, or here, or here.... but it will be fired and the Dallasites should beware.

To be continued (on Instagram)....