The Baseball Lineup According To Carrie Bradshaw

As I mentioned on Wednesday, today is a special themed BASEBALL OPENING DAY Fan Friday! I am teaming up with one of the biggest baseball fans I know, Marty from Marty with the Party! Link up anything baseball related... because hello, yay for this National Holiday: Opening Day!

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So I have about 15 old old old posts from 2010 that have around 22 page views each. I would say that I probably clicked most of them 20 times, and my mom made up for the other 2. These are mostly tutorial sports posts, that I'm actually really proud of, and are the whole reason I started Venus Trapped in Mars. Today, I wanted to bring one back from the dead, but of course I've updated and made some changes, in the event that you were one of those 22 views. 

There is more to baseball than tight pants and beer...

In baseball, you have one team on the field (defense) and one team at bat (offense).

Let's talk offense. Unlike most sports, the offensive players step up to the plate to try and score one at a time. Even though the average baseball team can have anywhere from 18-30 men on a roster, only 9 guys get to be part of the batting lineup. 

Let's start by going over the batting lineup. The way I'm going to teach this is by relating to a little show you may have heard of, Sex and the City!

Let's pretend Carrie Bradshaw is the coach of a pretend baseball team. As a coach she needs to put together the most powerful lineup possible, so the members of her team will include her past relationships. 

Batter 1: The first batter, aka the "lead-off hitter", needs to be someone really fast. Your goal is to get them on base no matter what. An ideal lead-off hitter gets on base about 70% of the time. With that said, a lead-off hitter isn't going to be the homerun king. They don't have a lot of power or strength but they are fast and reliable.

Carrie's Leadoff Batter: John McFadden. He was a fast talker, without much substance. Anytime Carrie had a terrible breakup he was always right there to, uh, we will call it, "run the bases" with her.

Batter 2: Very similar to batter number one, but a bit more of a successful hitter. He has the chance for extra bases by hitting a double, but his first job is to move batter number one from first to second base, by whatever means necessary. Unfortunately for batter number 2, many times he has to sacrifice his spot on a base for someone else, by either bunting or hitting a sacrifice fly ball to the outfield. 

Carrie's batter 2: Jack Berger. I just never understood him! I loved him so much and they always had so much in common, but they could never move forward in their relationship. Berger basically always made contact with the ball but before he could get to a base he would do something to screw it up and eventually Carrie threw him out.

Batter 3: Second best batter in your lineup. He has all the goods. Heavy hitter, fast, strong, quick thinking, the total package. He hits homeruns, gets on base and puts points on the scoreboard. In the end though, he really just isn't quite good enough to be labeled the best!

Carrie's batter 3: Aidan Shaw. Aidan was cute, charming, handsome, romantic and for any other girl would presumably be the total package. He was absolutely vital to Carrie's life and relationship journey, but let's face it, he just wasn't batter #4...

The BIG Batter 4: aka the "Cleanup Hitter" The reason he is put in the number 4 slot is because in an ideal situation, the first three batters should now all be on base. Then steps up the BIG man, the guy that is going to be the ONE for your team and hit a grand slam! 

Carrie's Cleanup: Duh, Big! The one, her true love, her man friend. The weird thing here is that Big never really seemed to clean anything up, he always just seemed to make a big ole mess.

Batters 5,6,7 and 8: In the interest of saving time, let me sum up their goal in one phrase, GET ON BASE AND SCORE!! They aren't swinging for the fences in hopes of a home run. They are looking for singles and doubles and to advance the runner.

Carrie's Batters 5, 6, 7 and 8:

Batter 5: David Duchovny's character Jeremy. He and Carrie dated throughout high school then he re-appears in true dramatic fashion! Too bad he is a psycho in a mental institution...

Batter 6: Vaughn the writer. He seems like a winner right off the bat. Carrie is infatuated with not only him but also his family. They start to build chemistry big time, then right when you think this guy is going to be a big hitter in Carrie's life, out of left field she finds a big shortcoming!

Batter 7: Bill Kelley the smooth talking politician. I thought they made a super cute couple and they dated for a while, seemed to have chemistry, but when he asked her to pee on him, um yeah def. not the BIG hero in this story!

Batter 8: Aleksander Petrovsky, "The Russian". A lot of people thought this was the guy Carrie was going to end up with. For sure a big hitter with the ability to hit grand slams. But in the 8th batter slot, just doesn't quite live up to your BIG cleanup hitter.

Batter 9: Batter 9 is a joke. They usually are your team's pitcher. They are terrible, no chance of scoring, no potential, and usually, they end up having to bunt (that means they purposely tap the ball just about 3 feet).

Carries Batter Number 9: Stannnnnyyyyyyyyyy! Yeah, I don't see Stanny scoring with Carrie in the near future. 

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