Let me explain...
When you're a little girl, let's say ages 3-9, more than likely, socks aren't on your list of wants.
You want:
Barbie dolls
Beanie Babies
Etch-a-sketches
Tamagotchis.
Easy Bake Ovens
A Barbie Jeep (never got one.... maybe this is my year)
All of the American Girl Dolls (*cough* Samantha *cough*)
My Little Pony
Things You Don't Want:
Clothes
See also: Socks
As you get into your teenage years, you now want clothes, all the clothes. The more Limited Too boxes I saw when I ripped open that first strip of wrapping paper, the more my heart pitter pattered with excitement. Still, socks were not something I particularly wanted to see.
Fast forward to early 20s, just give me money and gift cards and I'll be blissfully happy. In your early 20s, your favorite day of the year is Dec 26th because you can burn through all those gift cards in a matter of minutes. Still, no socks.
But here I am at age 26 (yes, I still can claim 26 for many more hours upon hours upon hours) with a good job and a steady income and I realized that my list of wishes still doesn't necessarily include socks, no, it is way more depressing than that. Isn't a gift supposed to be something you don't want to buy for yourself? Something that will be a treat to receive? So what are some things you don't want to buy for yourself at age 26, but would still be a treat to receive?
So I bring you... The Adult Holiday Gift Guide
1// Toilet Paper::: I hate buying toilet paper. It is so big and bulky and awkward to carry up 4 flights of apartment stairs. Plus I always forget to buy it, then I'm left with none when I need it and that isn't good.
2// Oil Change & Car Maintenance::: I despise getting an oil change. It's never just an oil change,
"Mizzzz Webb, we noticed that your so and so levels are low, that'll be $500."
"Mizzzz Webb, we noticed that your X is broken, that'll be $125."
"Mizzzz Webb, we noticed that your blah-de-blah is leaking, that'll be $375."
3// Utility Payment::: Worst thing in the world to budget for. Some months it is in the hundreds, some months in the 50s, you just never know. Please someone just gift this to me, if only for just one month of the year.
4// Fat Free Feta::: You are probably highly confused by this one. But Fat Free Feta is EXPENSIVE, but I love it. I mean, we're talking $6.99 a box if it isn't on sale. I'd love to see that under the tree this year!
5// Dentist::: Please just take my teeth with you and visit the dentist for me. Allow them to lecture you about flossing more often, allow them to jab at your gums with that ice pick of theirs, allow them to make the "nails on a chalkboard" sound in your ear when they scrape at your teeth.
6// Booze::: Give me all the booze under the tree. Got a bottle of vodka you'll never drink? Wrap it up and give it to me. Have a 6 pack of miller light in the fridge, but you only drink Coors? I'll take it! Bought tequila to make margaritas, but never got around to making said ritas? Tequila it to me!
And because I'm such a good gift giver (really I am!) I'm here to give one of you guys a gift that is on my Adult Christmas List... BOOZE!
Twisted Shotz, which you might remember I've never met a shot(z) I didn't like, is giving away a party pack to one of my readers!!!
Well, I lied. It has come to my attention that I cannot legally give away alcohol, stupid stupid stupid. But I actually still have a bunch of Twisted Shotz swag to give away, coupons for you to score some Shotz from your local liquor store, and I'm going to also throw in some ESPN sized ad space on VTIM! If you want to sample some Twisted Shotz with me, party at my place this weekend. Free Shotz for everyone, no dumb laws can touch that invite! #boom
Just leave a comment and tell me: Why You Like Shot(z). Any shots. I want to know why you like em, what you like about em, what are your favorites? The best answer wins, I'm not going to run this giveaway neutrally, by picking a number out of a hat, I want y'all to make me laugh while I sit in my cubicle today.
And.... go.
Yes! Please, someone go to the dentist for me! It is just awful! I wish this was a real thing. Or maybe the dentist should offer you booze first?
ReplyDeleteThis has GOT TO BE the most legit list I've seen this season.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I like shots because I have a two year old. If that's not self explanatory, I don't think I could explain it to you.
DeleteHaha, it's true that buying toilet paper is the worst! Hubs buys it at Sam's. Because it isn't bulky or awkward enough in a normal sized package?!
ReplyDeleteso this is so odd of me but i want socks for christmas. but like soft fuzzy ones. so that's something.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great list. especially #5.
i like shotz because i like to party.
I am with you on the cheese and booze sentiments! Still poor need cheese and shots please people!! My problem is I go all "Drink all the shots!!" on it and end up home early haha.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI literally just spit my coffee out....fat free feta! You are right that shiz is so dang expensive! My Publix has it BOGO right now I stocked up! Also those limited too Christmas boxes...remember those sweatshirts with the plaid logo across the front? Those hideous unstylish things were such the rage!
ReplyDeleteMeet @ the Barre
I guess I will take the socks back to the store. Too bad since they were all full of liquor sample bottles!
ReplyDeleteMy parents always gift me booze. And clothes. And toiletries - shampoo, soap, lotion, in giant containers and in multiples so I pretty much don't buy any of that stuff because it lasts me all year! I should add toilet paper to their list. It makes shopping so hard because I live across the street from the store, but when I have to buy toilet paper it cuts the amount of other groceries I can carry in half. Not fun!
ReplyDeleteI just like Brennah's reasoning for loving shotz. She needs all the shotz.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma knits me a pair of socks for every gift giving occasion, and I kind of love them. Best sleeping socks ever, even though I might be the only person that has designated socks for bedtime.
ReplyDeleteB52's are not only delicious, but you can also set them on fire and feel like a badass.
Haha! I would love free oil changes for a year! Thank you! and then next Christmas... another free year! Booya!
ReplyDeleteBooze and fat free feta sound like my perfect Christmas!
ReplyDeleteI like shots because they are what you sneak in the lining of your purse into a college football game. I like shots because they're what everyone buys you on your birthday, even if they're SoCo and Lime (gross!). I like shots because that's what you buys someone on THEIR birthday when they got you drunk off of said SoCo and lime. I like shots because my uncle brings a GIANT bottle of Jager at Christmas time and my whole family will go shot for shot with each other while playing cards. SHOTZ SHOTZ SHOTZ SHOTZ, EVERYBODY!
I got socks for Christmas last year and I was so happy. I got funky socks, all prints and colors not just your every day boring old socks. :)
ReplyDeleteSocks--definitely one of those things I never want to buy, but I'm always losing them, so I LOVE getting them in my stocking.
ReplyDeleteClearly I'm an anomole. I LOVED getting clothes as a kid. I never had to ask because I knew I'd get them and they'd be awesome. Now, the only change is that I ask for them, along with other adult thigns like sneakers and furniture and books.
ReplyDeleteOMG seriously with the Feta cheese! I laughed so hard at that one, even though I completely feel your pain. I'm no Sandra Lee but when I cook a grilled chicken breast, it must have some Feta on top. Did I mention I love greek food?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite shots are, of course, are Jager Bombs. By god, if you don't immediately think of this Youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_NfEs2XM24) when you hear that, then we can't be friends. Brings me right back to my college days (I mean nights) when that licorice taste hits my lips. Mmmmm. And who doesn't love red bull?
LOL! Love it! I hate buying any type of toiletry/household item.... if someone gave me a Kroger gift card I'd be thrilled haha. We won a bottle of Vodka at Jared's work party last weekend and we were entirely too excited!!! Also- HOLLA for being 26!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI actually wouldnt mind a pair of comfy socks for christmas! You know the kind with the hard bottom you can walk the dogs in? And I love shots because they make me instantly fearless..im talking creating my own karaoke night at random bars type fearless..especially tequila shots..even better would be $2 tequila shots! And I just recently discovered that if you walk into a bar and scream its your 21st birthday random people will buy all the tequila shots you desire. Tequila brings people together, who doesn't love that?
ReplyDeleteHey lady.. I NEED socks! lol I nearly asked Rob to buy me some for Christmas but realized that would be lame PLUS I want them now.. So I'm hitting up Costco for another bundle of hole-less socks. (Yes, it's going to be a very productive, exciting day in the life of Haley..!!)
ReplyDeleteHmmm... shots. I used to do a lot of them.. it didn't really matter what they were.. I'd do them. Do you ever remember the shot called Smurf Cum? I KNOW..it's nasty. It would curdle in your mouth when you went to do the shot..and all you wanted to do was blow chunks.. as soon as it hit your lips. Yes, MEAN friends would order it for you with NO warning of what was about to happen in your mouth. This is turning really distasteful.. But I hope I at least made you laugh a little.. maybe shoot coffee out of your nose? No.. damn it.
My go to shot at the bar (when there was a bar... as in, I never go out anymore.) I would always order Sambuca. Why!? I don't know.. it was easy for me to shoot instead of dreaded Tequila which would make me puke in my mouth a little bit BEFORE doing the shot. Blech!
They honestly do that because you're a woman, no lie. Just say no. Whenever I go alone it's always this and that but if J goes with me they say nothing.
ReplyDeleteLast year J got socks for Christmas and he was sooooooo happy. True story.
Shit, honestly? Shots change me into my alter ego "Kitty". Kitty is "good" at pool, can drop Humpty Dance and/or Regulate at Karaoke, and she's persistent about getting way-too-late Taco Bell. #bestfriends
ReplyDeletei have to pay the water bill in my new place. when did water get so expensive! i am going to start keeping a rain bucket and boiling that shit to use!
ReplyDeleteI love you. This is SO ACCURATE. I love this. YOU are brilliant my dear. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteSouthern Comfort, cause I ain't no pansy.
ReplyDelete› xo fal • falfindshappiness.blogspot.com
If all I got for Christmas were things like toilet paper, laundry detergent and giant bags of food for my dog... I would be so happy. Basically, things that I have to buy for myself on a semi regular basis that are just annoying and heavy and awkward. And booze because what's a gift without booze?
ReplyDeleteJamie @
The Growing Up Diaries
ah this is so true!! If someone would pay my utility bills for the year and buy me all the fat free feta in the land I'd be a happy girl!!! I like shots because it's the quickest way to get your drunkkkkk on. Tis the season!!
ReplyDeleteI like shots when they're warm
ReplyDeleteI like shots when they're cold
I like shots when it's fire ball whiskey
Actually No I don't, I like the bottle
Just give me the bottle
Hahahah! There is so much truth to this! Paying for utility bills, getting an oil change, and someone going to the dentist for me? AYO! Talk about Christmas cheer!
ReplyDeleteI love shots. Shotty, shotty, shots. Here it goes down, down into my belly... No seriously I love them. I was raised on shots since I was a toddler. True story... first shot... "Polish Penicillan" aka whiskey, honey and lemon. All polish parents give it to their children for colds, flu etc. as a home remedy. Lezbihonest... it's a shot. It doesn't cure your cold but it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and sleepy. And trust me, you want your sicko kids drunk and sleeping not bugging the crap out of you:) So that is why I love all whiskey to this day, especially Fireball my current fave. So pick me, pick me, pick me!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd send me your address cause I want to send you a block of feta. For realz! Cause stinky cheese goes great with shots:)
Cheers Mizzz Webb!
i would pay someone so much money to go to the dentist for me!!! i HATE it!!
ReplyDeleteYou need to give me those shotz because the Hokies suck.
ReplyDeleteinstead of socks, i want tights and leggings!
ReplyDelete-kathy
Vodka and Soda
I like shots because they convince me that I'm really pretty and can make out with any individual in the bar (even if said individual works a few desks away from me). Poor decisions are my favorite kind of decisions.
ReplyDeleteBest 2 shots ever: Pickle Shot and Chocolate Cake Shot. The.End. You're.Welcome.
ReplyDeleteI like shots, or so I've been told. I bet they're delicious I just can't recall what they taste like or ever having one :)
ReplyDeleteBrittany @ Everyday Thoughts
Perfect list! I've always been okay with socks as presents! My friends in jr.high and high school had a long standing tradition of giving each other fun socks for birthdays and Christmas. Underwear however is a different story, please don't buy me underwear. If you're really set on the idea a gift card to LaSenza or VS will do.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I'd be so incredibly happy if my mother gave my 28 year old self some car maintenance funds. In fact...I think she is. HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!! Also. Shots. See I used to think I liked shots of vodka...I mean I still do...but they don't like me back. Then there was that one time I did 6 lemon drop shots and mixed said alcohol with a stripper pole. Did I mention that I weighed about 115lbs then. It was hella fun for me, but I distinctly remember not being able to feel my fingers at one point and dropping the giant glass of water my frans gave me. Then it was time to drive home...except I drove...so my friend had to drive my car and needed directions from the vaguely/I was drunk cute boy. So she opens up my center console lookin for paper (this was before everybody had apple maps) and out pop my fake boobie chicken cutlets. (If you aren't laughing your ass off right now something is wrong with you.) THEN there was the time someone gave me shots of like...sparkly gold cinamon tastin stuff for my 22nd bday (cuz I was breastfeeding on my 21st). After a few of those shots I climbed up to the roof of my now ex-husbands pretty, new, shiny, we didn't have furniture though, Volvo with rims and tinted windows. My happy drunk ass climbed up there in 4 inch, scratch your paint to hell stilettos, and put a nice Whit booty shaped dent in his roof!
ReplyDeleteWhitney love da shots, and da shots love Whitney!
I will gladly go to the dentist for you! girl, I could sit there all day long! CLEAN MY TEETH MORE DAMMIT!
ReplyDeleteAlso, yes to the fat free feta, it is expensive. So is guacamole, so throw that in there too. NOW GIVE ME THOSE SHOTZ
I've never had Shot(z) but I do frequently take shots. I've never met a shot I didn't like, and I've met A LOT of shots. plus you can just fill up a water bottle full of liquor (vodka is my preferred) and sneak it into bars//football games//baseball games//etc and get drunk without spending as much. and putting it in water bottles makes it more compact for easy travels, they fit better in coolers and what not. EVERYBODY LETS TAKE SHOTS!
ReplyDeleteI have never tried this but I think that it would be great for a party!
ReplyDeleteAmen on the oil change! Is it wrong that I think this is totally something that I want a guy to do for me from now until forever? I don't just want someone to pay for the oil change, I want them to be responsible for actually taking the car to the shop. I hate it.
ReplyDeletethis is all awesome, awesome, awesome.
ReplyDeleteand i love shot(z) (tequila all the way) because it's the only thing i do in my life where i feel like a badass. and i would love a shot(z) right now because I JUST found out that my mom has me a vacuum for christmas which clearly demonstrates that I am NOT a badass! Please help me be one?
When I didn't want to take liquid medicine as a little kid my Mom would say "Open your mouth and close your eyes and I'll give you a big surprise" and EVERY single time I thought she was going to give me candy but it was ALWAYS a spoonful medicine. I was pretty naive (aka dumb). Either way, it'd be nice if she did that now and surprised me with shots instead of medicine haha
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm throwing money away when I get an oil change... and the fact that they try and upsell me on everything and anything. GRR.
ReplyDeleteI would love some alcohol right about now.
I can't decide if I hate you or really like you for this post because I literally, 10 minutes ago, finished writing a post about my holiday wish list. and after reading this, mine seems like a really lame postscript to yours. too bad I'm way too tired to start over so just be prepared for a very similar post by me on your page tomorrow... and I'm not sorry.
ReplyDeleteanyway while I'm here complaining about you being a better blogger than I am, I guess I might as well try to win some shots. I like shots because they're like a good friend really... sometimes they're sweet and treat you well, and sometimes they just kick your ass when you need it. and sometimes they taste like apple pie, which is something I wish my friends did more often.
hahahaah "Limited Too". Those were the days! Remember Tommy Hilfiger?!
ReplyDeleteI love shots because they are delicious. They are small but yet they can make your stomach feel so fuzzy and warm. Plus there are like a million different combinations and did I mention they are delicious?
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I used to model for Limited Too. And by model, I mean walking around the store in their clothes. I wasn't cute enough to be in their ads or anything. but I did get to keep the clothes!! HOLLA!
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of these Shotz you speak of. But I think Shotz and I need to become acquainted.
Buttery Nipples. Delicious, don't taste like booze and about all the excitement this 30 year old can handle. Back when I was young and free and living the dream (soooooo long ago) I liked jello shots, I never could say no to a $1 jello shot (or 6) on karaoke night at the bar. Oh I miss those days....a lot. If I win do my shots come with a babysitter? The only thing on my Christmas wishlist this year is a live in nanny who works for free (aka a wife).
ReplyDeletemy favorite shot is bookers. just simple and classic and about the best bourbon there is. I just got all warm and fuzzy even thinking about it. I do heart it so.
ReplyDeleteThis list made me laugh so hard. My wishlist looks horrible in comparison especially because booze is not on it and I love booze but I've tricked myself into thinking that a responsible adult can't have booze on her wishlist. Well that and my mother would kill me if she found out my favorite shot was Sex on the Beach.
ReplyDeleteHowever this has opened my eyes and I hope I will be gifted so much booze that I will throw a party for myself, drink booze to my heart's content, and begin talking to inanimate objects like they were my besties. So...yeah that's what I'd do if you gave me booze for Christmas.
My favorite 25 year old Christmas presents are the things I hate buying for myself such as: boots (I like picking them out but not paying for them), contact lenses, and any kind of appliance.
ReplyDeleteBooze is also always a good gift. I had twisted shots at a friends house in Canada once - they're tasty and easy to sneak into hockey (or any sport) games. I specifically remember an instance in my younger years where the shots were hidden in our coats and tucked inside our boots, we huddled in a handicap stall and passed them around. College keeps you classy.
Funky socks are a MUST for Christmas! I think I'll be sad if my grandmother ever stops including those with our "magic boxes" (free for all box filled with almost anything from the Dollar Tree, ranging from toiletries, to snacks, to FUNKY SOCKS).
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts on shots are this: ANYTHING would have been a better idea than the 90 proof Everclear my friend convinced me to drink the day we went four-wheeling in the mountains of Idaho and I busted my tailbone on the back of the ATV. He said, "Here, drink this. You will feel nothing." Mind you, I was 20 years old at the time and completely ignorant of all things alcohol related. Just recalling this story makes me want a shot...pick me!
I've never had Shotz, but I like shots! And I'm going to need some because my mother in law is visiting for Christmas. ;)
ReplyDeleteI like shots (and probably Shotz, too), but cause I am newly 21 and just finished a hellish finals week and have gone broke at the bar from purchasing one too many (but never truly enough) tequila shots #cantstopwontstop
ReplyDeleteI actually hate shots, but they are so damn fun when you are taking them! Curses. My new favorite is Fireball. I'd rather sip it then shoot it, but either way...I'll take it! I always want practical stuff now (including socks), but I try to add fun stuff to my list or else I'll be disappointed on Christmas lol. All kitchen/cleaning stuff isn't as fun when Xmas actually rolls around.
ReplyDelete