1. Complain about the coffee not being hot enough
As an iced coffee drinker, I do not understand this. I drink iced coffee because hot coffee leaves deep burn lesions on the roof of my mouth for weeks. That is not an enjoyable feeling for me. But for old people, they love it.
Here is how to trick old people into thinking you are giving them HOT coffee.
1. Fill a coffee mug with water
2. Put coffee mug with water in microwave for 1 minute
3. Dump out water, refill with coffee
The coffee mug will be so hot that their hands burn, their mouth burns and they will think you gave them the hottest coffee in the entire world. They will love you forever and give you lots of Werther's Originals.
2. Quadruple Check Their Receipts
Ok eggs... $2.69 was that right? Yes I think that was right.
Baking soda... $3.76 ok that is right, she took the coupon off. Good.
Cheddar cheese... $4.27 right. That is correct.
Ensure... $4.96 NO the sign said $4.95! Excuse me, Miss! The sign said $4.95 and you charged me $4.96. See this receipt. And see the sign. You charged me a penny more than you should have. I need to speak with your manager about my refund.
3. Eat Hard Candy
Ok so why are the only people in this world that eat hard candy, old people with no teeth? Riddle me that.
4. Use the self check line, but have no idea how they got there, nor have any idea how to get out.
Step one... pick up the item from your cart.
Step two... locate the bar code (pro tip-- it is a bar, with codes at the bottom)
Step three... wave the barcode over the bright red light until it goes beeeeeeeeep
Step four... pay and get the heck outta my way.
5. Flirt inappropriately with women that could be their granddaughters
When a middle aged guy makes an inappropriate, sexual remark in an elevator, we get disgusted and blast him as creep all over the nearest social media outlet. But when an old man says, "Ohhh where you goin tonight you sweet little honeyyy you, can I come along?" Girls just giggle and proceed to list every last detail of their upcoming evening. Why is this ok??
What else did I miss? I'm sure there are a million other annoying things...
