1. You Constantly have to hear about percentages, numbers, increases and decreases.
Blogger: I had 2500 page hits today!
Mom: "That's wonderful sweetie"
Blogger: I'm only 28 away from 1,000 followers on GFC and then 18 away from 1,000 followers on Bloglovin and on Twitter I need 48 followers to hit 1000 and on facebook I just need 56 more people to click like in order to get to 400 and then on Pinterest I have over 700 followers already!"
Mom: "That's wonderful sweetie"
Blogger: You won't believe how many page hits my blog got today. Well yesterday it got 2500 page hits, then the day before it only got 1300 page hits but then the day before that I got 3500 page hits on that post but then three days before that it just got 1700 page hits and then four days before that it got 2200 page hits.
Mom: "That's wonderful sweetie
2. Everything is a milestone, that seriously must be difficult to keep up with
Blogger: I hit 1,000 followers on GFC today.
Mom: That's incredible!
Blogger: I hit 500 followers on Bloglovin today
Mom: But I thought you hit 1,000 a couple of weeks ago?
Blogger: Yeah, but this is different. This is bloglovin, that was GFC.
Mom: Oh, well that's wonderful sweetie.
Blogger: I hit 586 followers on Pinterest today
Mom: Well what does that mean for your blog?
Blogger: Nothing, I was just telling you.
Mom: Oh, well that's wonderful sweetie.
3. You need to pretend to be excited about dish detergent and popsicles.
Blogger: Someone contacted me to write about their dish detergent. They want to pay me to try their dish soap!
Mom: But you don't do dishes.
Blogger: Yeah, but they want me to write about it.
Mom: Well, that's wonderful sweetie
4. You have to do the crap we don't want to do
Blogger: Mom can you proof read this post for me?
Repeat x6 per week.
5. You have to keep from laughing at the absurdities we stress about
Blogger: Crying Someone left a really mean comment on my post today
Mom: Well you put the blog out there, not everyone will like it, you have to take the good with the bad
Blogger: crying harder because she just doesn't get it, clearly No you don't understand, it hurt my feelings!!!!
Mom: Have you ever met this person?
Blogger: No
Mom: Is it going to hurt your blog?
Blogger: No
Mom: Then who cares?
Blogger: Me!! I care, ME CARES.
6. You have to play photog whenever you're around
Will you take my picture?
Will you take my picture again?
Try again, I wasn't ready.
Take a few steps back then try again.
Now go over there and take my picture from that angle.
Let me change clothes, then take it again, don't move.
Let's walk 15 blocks that way, that will be good for the blog.
Blogger the entire time: Snaps picture of food, of her feet with a hint of skirt and arm bling, snaps selfie, snaps selfie again, third selfie in a row, takes picture of drink, takes picture of second drink, takes picture of third drink, takes artistic picture of drink with bar bottles in background.
7. You have no idea what your daughter is talking about 98% of the time
Blogger: I'm going on a blate!!!!!!!
Mom: A what?
Blogger: This sweater I just ordered online is my JAM!
Mom: Your what?
Blogger: I'm worried no one will linkup with me
Mom: You're worried that no one will do what?
Blogger: I'm going to start taking sponsors
Mom: In AA?
8. Bloggers are totally self absorbed.
Mom calls.
First 15 minutes spent talking about the blog
Blogger: Ok well, gotta go work on tomorrows post
Mom: Ok well my day was ok too thanks for asking.
Blogger: Oh did you want to talk about that?
What if the roles were reversed? What if our moms were bloggers and every single phone call involved 15 minutes worth of blog updates? I'd go insane and maybe not even answer the phone if it got as bad as I can be at times. Sorry Mom, thanks for being patient and for acting interested in all of this silliness.
Ok love you bye.
Ok love you bye.
