The Most Important Questions Ever Asked, Answered.

I like playing the "ask me anything game"

So, Google search entry words, we meet again. Not sure how you manage to formulate such IMPORTANT life questions, but I'm impressed. Far be it from me to not answer each and every question that leads new fans to my little humble abode in blog land. Let's get started.

You would need the following 5 things to survive in Venus:

1. The ability to put things together. I'm not stupid, I can put the Ikea table together, I'm just too lazy to and would prefer you did that, thanks. 

2. Dallas Cowboys Season Tickets 

3. Humor. I'm hilarious, we all know that. You need to be able to compete with me. If I'm funnier than you are, I'll just end up laughing at all my own jokes and that is awkward. 

*disclaimer* even if you are funny enough I'll still laugh at my own jokes

4. Celebrity connections. How else do you expect me to become a big shot? Hang out with normal people? Please. Hook it up. 

5. Platinum status at all Harrah's Casinos. Free buffets and the penthouse suite while I loose hundreds of your dollars on the slots. #boom. Good times to be had by all. 

Well, let's put together a checklist for this question. 

Did you make it to work without spilling Starbucks all over yourself? yes or no

Did you wet the bed last night? yes or no

Did you smell good enough to not have to shower this morning? yes or no

Are you hungover? yes or no

Is it a day not called Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday? yes or no

Does your iphone have greater than 39% battery left? yes or no

Are you currently reading this blog? yes or no

Are you currently in rehab? yes or no

If you answered YES to at least 7 of the 8 questions, then yes, you are having a good day. 

Don't pick up ANY coin tails up. Penny, dime, quarter... doesn't matter. If tails, don't touch it.

Don't swing at the first pitch. I don't care if it is right down the middle, don't swing. Just don't. 

Dribble, Dribble, Dribble, Flip the basketball around once, then shoot the free-throw.

All stuffed animals must have a friend. No stuffed animal may sit alone. If you see a stuffed animal in a store, sitting alone, without the presence of another stuffed animal, you MUST purchase said stuffed animal and give him/her a good home. No exceptions. 

* Stupid velveteen rabbit*

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians, still called beef?

The Kid From Louisville, Kevin Ware, that had a bone sticking out of his leg

Turtles in a sprinting contest

Cookie Monster in Rehab

Sergio Garcia

Lisa Loeb

The Iron formally known from Monopoly

All members of the Kansas City Cheifs

Jack Berger (I still think he was the best and I'm sticking to that)

Vicki Gunvalson 

Albinos

Android and/or PC Users

Michael Vick's New Puppy

Wile E. Coyote. Poor kid. He'll never catch that road runner.

So do you feel less intelligent after reading this post? Because that was the goal. 

Shout Out to Captain Google for giving me such great questions to work with.

Sammy Sosa Love, from me to you! 

Now lets #backthatazzup

With WHIIIIIIITNEY!