I Want To Talk About The Gym Again and This is My Blog So I Do What I Want

Checklist... have you completed all of these tasks?

 *crap*

If you arrive past class start time, it is considered very rude to interrupt a class that has already begun.

Whatever you do, do not speed. Do not put yourself in ANY kind of danger.

Tell your friend to wait for you, you are almost there....

You wouldn't want her to worry 

Also, you wouldn't want her to go in without you... You will still need your drinking buddy for the bar.

For Several Reasons..

1. In case you are too late for class, you look great for the bar. Young professional = all the rage

2. When you walk in make sure people see you with your hair down and nice clothes, because when you leave looking like Who Shot John, they will remember you were once pretty. 

3. Be sure to spend a lot of time in the locker room getting ready. Tie shoes tight, maybe untie them and tie them again a few times just to be sure you are safe from ankle injuries. 

Warning: Number 3 may take some time, and you MAY miss the beginning of class. This is OK because you were being safe and safety comes first, always.

So you made it to class, lucky you. Now what?

                                                        

For the love of all things holy, you were forced against your will by your friend to go, you avoided highway delays, traffic violations, speeding, changing clothes, and shoe tying delays. Plus you are now going to have to wash your hair even though you washed it just yesterday morning. 

CHECK THE F IN. 

You deserve every last person on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Myspace, Friendster to know that you are at the GYM workin on your fitness.

If you don't have foursquare, here are good ways to let people know where you are. 

              

Front row: I'm the best in this class, no one try and mess with me or I'll kick you in the throat

Second Row: One day I'll be brave enough to go to the front row, but for now, I'm safe here

Third Row: I should be at the bar right now. Why was there no traffic??

Back Row: Please don't let me die today, please don't let me die today. Will they judge me if I leave early? Will anyone notice? Will I be made fun of? Maybe I can pretend to get water then leave instead.

                      

Do not ask someone what equipment you need for the class

Do not ask if the class is hard

Do not ask how long the class is

Do not make eye contact with anyone else around you

Give bitchy looks like you are in a fierce competition and questions will disqualify you.

Unless you want the instructor to be on you like white on rice for the remainder of the hour

Keep it to yourself that you are new.

They don't make these classes at Ikea... I promise you will be able to figure it out.

If you can't do this...

Just jump up and down like the white girl you know you are.

Jumping is good enough. 

            

You deserve it you marathon runner you. 

Great work today.

I am now having an aneurysm from that Beyonce gif, I should probably not go to the gym today.